By Ryan North
What if Romeo and Juliet had never met? What if they’d opened up a brunch place instead of killing themselves? What if Juliet became a pirate, or Romeo took a trip to Denmark? What if they talked like normal teenagers? What if you were given total control of their actions, hopes and dreams, and what does a good sex ed curriculum have to do with it?
This book is wonderful. I love it. I thoroughly recommend it. Actually, go buy it right now.
I don’t think I can give a proper review of this book because it’s more an experience than a book, really. It’s a Choose Your Own Adventure book dialed up to 11, with a good deal of snark, silliness, and Shakespeare references thrown in.
So far, in this book, I have:
- Forgotten how to breathe and died at brunch
- Seduced Juliet in a French maid outfit
- Faked my own death so well I actually died
- Been killed by an overzealous librarian (several times over)
- Been eaten by rabid horses
- Actually I just died a lot, okay
- Took a potion to forget about Rosaline, ended up living a normal, non-obsessive life like a normal human being who isn’t a melodramatic mess of hormones THANK YOU RYAN NORTH FOR REALIZING THAT ROMEO IS KIND OF A TOOL
- Dumped Romeo a half-dozen times
- Dated a guy named Yolo Brewski, became a pirate
- Teamed up with Ophelia to poison the entire human population of the world
- Used Romeo’s corpse to fight off an army of ninjas
- Lived happily ever after with Romeo and Tybalt’s ghost
- Broke down the walls of Verona to fight an army of undead skeletons
- Discovered I really, really liked Romeo in a sexy guard outfit (These teenagers are really into roleplay, I feel like.)
And these are just the endings I’ve managed to discover, which doesn’t include other random plot points, sidequests, endings I haven’t gotten to yet, unlockable characters, that time I became God, or the many, many times I tried to follow “Shakespeare’s route” and failed because I got distracted by the shiny.
Also my roommate thinks I’m crazy because I’ve been laughing so hard. Now granted I’m a huge nerd and things like Shakespeare parodies are funny to me, but I feel like anyone who had to read Romeo and Juliet in high school and/or likes Choose Your Own Adventure books will really enjoy this.
So yeah. Go. Read this book. Do it. That is all.