Our lovers have just kissed in a conveniently abandoned church, which is totally a legally binding marriage, and now they have to think about where to sleep for the night. Luckily, there’s a conveniently abandoned village nearby, with a conveniently fully-furnished house they can squat in, so we’re all set!

There’s even a bed!


We all know what you’re thinking, Juliet. Very subtle.

And there’s some conveniently abandoned clean clothes that Juliet can change into, which for some reason gets Romeo very flustered.


You were just making innuendos three seconds ago, dude.

Of course none of those innuendos come to life, as Juliet falls asleep before anyone can get undressed – in the middle of one of Romeo’s declarations of undying love, no less! Romeo doesn’t seem to mind too much, and it’s adorable so who am I to complain?

In the morning there’s some cutesy stuff again, and then our heroes realize they need some food. Instead of something a little more immediate, Romeo takes this to mean they should plant something in the nearby garden – good on you for planning ahead, but don’t you think breakfast should be the priority here?

It doesn’t really matter, because Romeo is a farming expert who can tell the ground around the village is barren, which is probably why it was abandoned in the first place. Except that Juliet’s magical princess powers trump his logic, and she finds some convenient potatoes in the ground! Which Romeo thought were rocks. Because he is a privileged puppy who doesn’t actually know anything about agriculture.

They go out into the forest for some firewood, when suddenly Juliet thinks she hears something calling to her!


It’s the plot, trying to get your attention!

They dismiss it, but then Juliet hears it again! It’s coming from a strange cave, so she walks in like the first victim in a horror movie.


Oh hey! It was the plot!

Papa Smurf is in the cave of Escalus-roots, and he tells our heroes that two magical trees hold the world together. Since one tree is already dead, the other – Escalus – won’t last much longer. Then Juliet has some kind of breakdown and runs out of the cave without any of the firewood.

And then – and THEN – we finally get a shot of Neo Verona! The plot has truly returned! All hail the mighty plot!

Carabinieri are hammering down doors and searching every inch of the city for Capulet loyalists who escaped the raid on the warehouse. We find out that Antonio made it back to the theatre okay, and Currio is hiding out under a cabbage cart. Conrad is also un-captured, so that’s good. Antonio couldn’t figure out where Francisco is, but Cordelia seems sure they don’t have to worry about him. In fact, she says it with an expression that strongly suggests she knows exactly where he is and she finds it mildly amusing.

So a brothel then. He’s hiding out in a brothel. You go, my wonderful cad.


You’re getting quite the side-eye from Benvolio, there.

No one knows where either Juliet or Tybalt are, and their only comfort is that the Carabinieri are still looking for her which means Montague doesn’t know where she is either.

We hear back from the actors again, and find out that the Carabinieri are snatching young girls left and right in case they might be Juliet. The actresses have been reduced to living in the theatre and flashing William’s crest of nobility to get around without being arrested. William doesn’t want things to end just yet though, because he feels that if Juliet’s escape drags on just a little longer they’ll have a much more thrilling climax.


Chaotic god of plot = confirmed

At the palace, Montague finds it suspicious indeed that Romeo disappeared the same night that the Capulet girl vanished, and right after expressing sympathy for her cause! Hermione is also upset, not for political reasons, but because she’s certain Romeo’s run off with his mysterious lady-love. Not that she’s angry at Romeo – oh no! she’s angry at the lady who could cause him such pain as to force him to run off. Or something.

Show, please don’t ruin Hermione for me. Please. I don’t like it when she’s bitter and angry.

Montague goes to investigate the convent where Portia AKA Mama Montague lives, trying to figure out where Romeo ran off to. They politely bicker about her vow of poverty for a while, then Portia admits she told Romeo the truth about the night the Capulets were overthrown. Montague notices the irises she keeps, and leaves with a pointed comment about such a common flower not being worthy of the House of Montague. So not only do we now know for sure Portia keeps irises just to annoy her ex-husband, but Montague understands the use of metonymy! Yay!

Back at the conveniently abandoned village, Juliet isn’t too happy about the plot catching up with her and burns the potatoes on accident. They’re saved from eating her cooking when Papa Smurf leaves a picnic basket on their doorstep. While Juliet is just happy, Romeo is suspicious – but eats the food anyways. Very smart there, Romeo.

The Carabinieri are searching the villages adjacent to the city – curse Montague’s dastardly intellect! – and of course it doesn’t take long before they find the expensive necklace Romeo exchanged for food that one time. So they take the only logical step: burn the entire village down.

Is burning things the Carabinieri’s only method of dealing with problems?

Romeo and Juliet learn from a convenient traveler that the Carabinieri are occupying villages in the area, and they go to investigate. Romeo, sure that the Carabinieri are after him and him alone – poor naive puppy – decides to go down to the village, explain the situation and get them to leave the villagers alone. Juliet rightfully points out that they won’t just let the son of Montague live out in the middle of nowhere because he says he wants to, and offers to go with him to help him fight. Then she uses their marriage vows as leverage to get him to agree.

So they storm the village sticks blazing, and there’s a nicely animated fight scene with atmospheric lighting and dramatic music, until Juliet is cornered and disarmed. To save her life, Romeo reveals his identity and orders everyone to stand down. He yells at Juliet to run while the Carabinieri are busy capturing him, but she’s nothing if not rebellious, so instead she uses the distraction to steal a sword and reveal her identity. Then she yells that she and Romeo made a vow to be together, and that she will not break it no matter what.

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The whole thing is appropriately dramatic.

Then she… drops the sword? for some reason?…. before charging the Carabinieri in an attempt to rescue Romeo. And then she is captured. And the episode ends with the second instance of the end credit song being even remotely appropriate to the mood.

Hark! ‘Tis the plot!:

  • I’m just so happy the plot is back, guys. So happy.
  • The Carabinieri specifically said they wanted Juliet alive, so does that mean Montague has a plan for her that doesn’t include her death? Or does he just want to execute her publicly to send a message?
  • Now that we know most of the cast survived the attack on the Capulet loyalists, I wonder how the rest of the political plot will go forward? They can’t very well keep operating in the city, now with Juliet a recognizable face and their numbers dwindled. Are we going for a more subtle form of rebellion, perhaps from the inside?
  • Who is Papa Smurf and why is he simultaneously nice and kind of a douchebag to our protagonists?
  • Escalus seemed to be the thing calling to Juliet earlier, so that lends credence to the theory about there being a link between House Capulet and the magical tree.

Random notes:

  • Benvolio is totally crushing on Cordelia;
  • Francisco is totally hiding out in a brothel;
  • Currio must be sick of the smell of cabbages by now.
  • I joke about the ending scene, but it was actually nicely done even if the characters weren’t very smart. I got chills when Juliet screamed out her name.