We’re baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

When we last left our heroes, they had decided to forsake all semblance of responsibility in order to romantically run away together. How quaint.

This episode begins on a hopeful note – Romeo and Juliet on a dragonsteed, flying over the fog-drenched city as piano music plays softly in the background. Juliet smiles and says they should go somewhere they’ve never been before, somewhere where no one will know their names. Where Capulets and Montagues don’t exist.

Thaaaaat might be a little hard considering you live on a floating island and Montague rules the whole thing, but good on you two for dreaming big.

They pass over the farmhouse where they hid from the storm that one time, and Juliet has some pleasant flashbacks:

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Bringing Sexy Back playing in the background…

They recreate the Whole New World sequence from Aladdin and make puppy eyes at each other and stop to camp in the forest outside the city. They didn’t think to bring any food on this escapade, because planning isn’t romantic, so Juliet has to save them by picking wild berries. Then they reminisce about the past they’re leaving behind in the city, and Juliet talks about how much she’ll miss Cordelia and I’m just sitting here screaming “THEN WHY DID YOU LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE?” Seriously…

Romeo is apparently a bloodhound genetically engineered to recognize the scent of flowers, because he suddenly runs off to a daisy-strewn meadow. They laugh, they twirl, the lay next to each other in the grass, it’s cute. It’s actually nice to see my babies actually enjoying themselves for once.

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And I get to see them make cute faces like this!

They then walk away on Romeo’s dragonsteed (seriously, the thing can fly; why walk?). We find out that the dragonsteed was a goodbye present from Romeo’s mother when she divorced Montague. Then we find out Mommy Montague didn’t even get a goodbye before the pair ran off, which, just… why? I know you don’t want to be pursued by Montague, but no one you know has any reason to go running to him about your plans, so… why so antisocial, guys?

They find a wounded Lady!dragonsteed on the path, and Juliet is a magical princess so she tames it just fine. Then they get attacked by bandits (this is why walking was a bad idea). My babies make a pretty great battle couple and fight them off (I’m impressed at Romeo’s sudden fighting skills. When did that happen?)

And then Romeo notices that the dragonsteeds are hitting it off and decides to just. Release his dragonsteed into the wild so that he can be with his “true love” or some other such bullshit.

Welp, that’s it. Your dragonsteed is dead. You killed it. Good job, Romeo, you’re a murderer.

It’s portrayed as a noble gesture, but even disregarding the obvious practical advantages that having a dragonsteed with you brings, this is essentially animal cruelty. A domesticated animal who has never set foot in a forest will not survive very well there on its own. This is like, Animals 101. So Romeo is killing off 20% of his personality because two horses might have wanted to get frisky. That’s cool.

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In his head he’s probably thinking “Goodbye, you little shit”.

They arrive at the nearest town and try to get food at the local tavern, and Romeo, poor privileged baby, clearly doesn’t know how money works because he tries to exchange a precious gold-and-sapphire necklace for a single meal. Welp, better hope Montague doesn’t check the villages right outside the city when he goes looking for his son!

Then Romeo has the brilliant idea of stealing (borrowing) a boat so they can travel faster along the river. (Hey, you know how else you could have gone faster? FLYING.) They float peacefully down the river – no oars or sails or anything, they just… float in the direction they want to go, I guess – Juliet is having nightmares because she’s worried for her friends back in Neo Verona (oh yeah, those guys), You Raise Me Up starts playing, Romeo has Deep Thoughts about love, Juliet mentions that she’s always wanted to be a bride (it… kind of comes out of nowhere). I mean, it speaks to her self-conception of gender and the effect growing up as a boy had on her, but it’s clearly just there to foreshadow their secret wedding. Then they talk about dreams and I just…

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And at last I see the liiiiiiiiiight….

The next morning they leave the boat for some reason, and walk right past a weird Papa Smurf-looking dude who looks ominously at them.

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Well smurf you too grandpa…

They then stumble upon a field of irises (I notice they keep finding irises everywhere, and yet always seem surprised). And then a conveniently abandoned church! So of course they spontaneously get married. Because why talk about it when you have an empty church and a handkerchief to act as a veil? That’s all you need to get married, right?

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I mean, you’re adorable but I doubt this will hold up to legal scrutiny.

So they say their vows and kiss as an angelic voice sings an aria in the distance, and it’s all sweet and peaceful…

And then that damned ending song pops up again. AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGHH!

Hark! ‘Tis the Plot:

  • This episode didn’t really further the plot along, aside from getting our protagonists married and dragonsteed-less.
  • What happened to the Capulet rebellion? I need to know…..

Random notes:

  • It was nice to see something happy happening to our heroes for once, I just really think that after the failed rebellion and the presumed death of half the supporting cast wasn’t the best time for it. Maybe at least show us that people are okay in Neo Verona?
  • This episode was so sweet I think I have a few extra cavities.
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